Dear Diary,

Let's not kid ourselves, we don't have a lot going for us. You're an inanimate object that people write things in, and I could only hope that one day someone should want to share their feelings with me. But Diary, I'll tell you something. My new invention is going to make us famous. Just like that one guy that invented peanut butter, or Madonna with the pointy cone bra. This invention will catapult me straight to the top. It's called "peanut butter cone bra" and it combines the best of both worlds. I just hope that I don't make too much money that the bank won't be able to hold it all. I might have to keep it in two banks!