Dear Diary,

"Peanut butter cone bra" didn't work out. It's probably for the best. Who wants to deal with having money in two banks? What a chore! Besides, I have a better idea, and if it all works out I might even need three banks! Can you believe that!? Who in the world has ever heard of someone having so much money that they need three different banks to keep it all in!? I just hope "pizza cone bra" works out.

And do you know what else Diary?

I am so jealous of you. You never have to deal with people in the real world. Sometimes I wish that some sort of magical person that could grant me two...no, actually I would need three, three wishes, would appear at my bedside. He'd probably have to be kept in some sort of bottle so he doesn't escape and go around granting people wishes all willy nilly. I don't know what I would name this magic person. He would definitely need a name, otherwise how would he know when I needed his powers? If I named him something like "I have to pee" then he would always be coming out of his bottle just when I had to go pee, so that wouldn't do. I never have to vacuum the front lawn so maybe I could name him "I have to vacuum the front lawn". My three wishes would be this:

1) I wish that Luke Skywalker was real. I feel like I really connect with him. He and I would always go around talking about how much we hate those darn imperials!

2) I wish that things that are healthy tasted really good and things that are unhealthy tasted really bad. Think about it, if spinach tasted like chocolate and chocolate tasted like spinach we would all be so healthy and content!

3) I wish I had a few pigs that had the awesome power of flight. That way I could always go up to someone and say "Give me $10 home slice!" And they would say "When pigs fly hombre!" And then I would pull my awesome flying pigs out of their gravity cage and they would fly away, but I would still have them on a leash! Then the person would give me $10. If I did that nine more times I would have $100!