Minor league baseball games are the best place to meet girls. First off, the fact that they're even at the game means either a) they love baseball b) they tolerate baseball or c) they were kidnapped and their captor brought them to a baseball game in hopes that they would develop Stockholm Syndrome and fall in love with them.
If she loves baseball, awesome. If she tolerates baseball...well at least she doesn't hate it. If she was kidnapped, AWESOME. What a sweet story that would be to tell.
Secondly, girls in baseball jerseys. Hot. I don't care what team it is. But it can't be one of those stupid Alyssa Milano baseball shirts. Those are just dumb, girly, pink, skanky shirts with baseball team logos on them. Alyssa Milano you are stupid. Girls are so much hotter in real baseball jerseys.
Thirdly, there's the chance that a foul ball may hit some old lady in the head. That's unrelated to meeting girls. I just think it would be a funny thing to see.
Fourthly, if she's drinking beer, awesome. Anybody drinking an alcoholic beverage at a baseball game other than beer is not worth meeting. It's okay to drink various other non-alcoholic beverages, but any alcohol must be beer. If she's drinking some girly lemonade based drink, not worth it.
Fifthly, this is your chance to show her how much you know about the game:
"So, that's the thrower, and when he throws the ball it goes over there and that guy with the bat, the batsman, hits it. If the ball goes over that wall, it's called a double, any other ball hit anywhere else is a balk. The catcher's main job is for the third base coach to give him signals, which he interperets and gives to the four outfielders. Left field, right field, short field and home. In the event of a homerun, the runner on the bases...I forget what he's called, he has to tag up. If he forgets to tag up he has to go ALL the way back to first and run all the bases again. That's called "touching them all". It's pretty common in the sport. That and triple plays. In between the 5th and 6th inning is the 7th inning stretch where everybody gets up and sings the national anthem. That is also when they honor Jackie Robinson, the first Jewish ball player. He's the only ballsman to ever steal first base. His nickname when he played was 'J Splat'.
Sixthly, you can see if she's one of those dumb, dainty eaters.
Seventhly, if you fart just blame it on the general smell of the ballpark. Girls can't tell the difference between a fart and baseball.
Eighthly, minor league ball games usually have fireworks if the home team wins. If she's really gullible you can tell her that you had those fireworks ordered specially for her. If she believes you then you know she's stupid and you shouldn't talk to her any more.
Ninethly, if that old lady ends up getting hit in the head with a foul ball and is seriously injured you could probably sneak up real quick and snatch the ball from her and she probably couldn't stop you, what with her being unconscious and all.
If she loves baseball, awesome. If she tolerates baseball...well at least she doesn't hate it. If she was kidnapped, AWESOME. What a sweet story that would be to tell.
Secondly, girls in baseball jerseys. Hot. I don't care what team it is. But it can't be one of those stupid Alyssa Milano baseball shirts. Those are just dumb, girly, pink, skanky shirts with baseball team logos on them. Alyssa Milano you are stupid. Girls are so much hotter in real baseball jerseys.
Thirdly, there's the chance that a foul ball may hit some old lady in the head. That's unrelated to meeting girls. I just think it would be a funny thing to see.
Fourthly, if she's drinking beer, awesome. Anybody drinking an alcoholic beverage at a baseball game other than beer is not worth meeting. It's okay to drink various other non-alcoholic beverages, but any alcohol must be beer. If she's drinking some girly lemonade based drink, not worth it.
Fifthly, this is your chance to show her how much you know about the game:
"So, that's the thrower, and when he throws the ball it goes over there and that guy with the bat, the batsman, hits it. If the ball goes over that wall, it's called a double, any other ball hit anywhere else is a balk. The catcher's main job is for the third base coach to give him signals, which he interperets and gives to the four outfielders. Left field, right field, short field and home. In the event of a homerun, the runner on the bases...I forget what he's called, he has to tag up. If he forgets to tag up he has to go ALL the way back to first and run all the bases again. That's called "touching them all". It's pretty common in the sport. That and triple plays. In between the 5th and 6th inning is the 7th inning stretch where everybody gets up and sings the national anthem. That is also when they honor Jackie Robinson, the first Jewish ball player. He's the only ballsman to ever steal first base. His nickname when he played was 'J Splat'.
Sixthly, you can see if she's one of those dumb, dainty eaters.
Seventhly, if you fart just blame it on the general smell of the ballpark. Girls can't tell the difference between a fart and baseball.
Eighthly, minor league ball games usually have fireworks if the home team wins. If she's really gullible you can tell her that you had those fireworks ordered specially for her. If she believes you then you know she's stupid and you shouldn't talk to her any more.
Ninethly, if that old lady ends up getting hit in the head with a foul ball and is seriously injured you could probably sneak up real quick and snatch the ball from her and she probably couldn't stop you, what with her being unconscious and all.
posted by Ben at
2:52 AM
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